Free write (Example of a sub-conscience rant while listening to the amazing Animal Collective)

            I’m not feeling very creative today. Not to say that I’m not happy. Happiness and creativity sort of collide, rather than mesh into one. Well, in my mind anyway. I can’t create a happy piece of anything. It just sort of comes out all jumbled and wordy, and makes my teeth feel like I ate too many sweets that day. Today has been a good enough day, but maybe that is the problem. Maybe the problem is I’m just not creative. I’ve never thought of that before. I’ve always been lead to believe that everyone has the gift to create something, anything. I might just be wrong about that. I look at people, read their stories, listen to their music, watch their movies, and think to myself, “Why can’t my brain think of those things.” Every time an idea pops into my head the first thing I think is that it’s a pretty damn good idea. Then I develop it, and that’s when things just go to shit. My ideas are cliché and it all seems like it has been done before, but I keep on writing. And then it goes from the stage of me thinking my stuff is shit, to then thinking my stuff is pretentious, and self-indulgent. To me, my published work (and by published work I mean on my blog) is just letting everyone know how amazing I am as a writer, which I am not. Maybe posting this is self-indulgent. I don’t know, I just feel I should put this up. Maybe I shouldn’t, but fuck it, this is my blog. I’m not creating anything new here, but I am beginning to realize that creation is not my strong suite, among other things. I’ll find my sweet spot eventually I guess. I just thought my friends should know what goes through my head on a day-to-day basis. Well, here it is. Mind the shit.

I'm Trying to Still Love H.E.R.

Inspired by Common Sense

 

I met her when I was about 9 years-old, and since then I have not been able to break her spell. There was something about her that I couldn’t over come. She was beautiful to say the least. Everything about her made me love her. She always spoke the truth, and she never lied to me. I wanted to do everything for her, I was completely obsessed by her beauty and her brains. She never got old to me. Every time she was around, I fell even more in love with her, if that was possible. She was great to me. She never let me down. She kept me interested. I learned something new about her everyday, and she was oh so beautiful.

I used to love her so much, but a little bit of that has died down. As I have gotten older, I have realized she has become a whore. And I don’t mean a whore as a bitch, but I mean a whore as in a prostitute. She has since become all about the money. What used to make her so special to me was her creativity, and her desire to be a work of art. Now she has become a symbol, and only cares about the money she can make. It was only me who knew about why she was so special. She was my best-kept secret. What makes it worse is that I still am in love with her. Does that make me a whore too? I try to find the beauty that she still has inside of her, but I only can find it in the most obscure of places, most of her has been taken up by the glamour and glitz that comes with the money. More and more she has fallen into the greed of America, and I am stuck trying to find the pieces of her that still care about true art, and pure beauty. I’m afraid that those pieces will soon be gone. I used to love her, there was something I couldn’t overcome, but she’s not as special as she used to be.

If I haven’t made myself clear enough by now, I am sorry. The girl I am in love with is music. Music is my driving force, it is rooted in my soul, but it seems as of lately, it is becoming more about the money and the fame, rather than the art. She is my first love, and I hope she is my last.

Lepers in the Temple

We must win, the pastor says

The battle’s just begun

And until the end

We can’t lose sight

Of what is to be done

And if you ask, what’s this for?

Then don’t even come

Solders do not ask

They only fight for freedom

This is a modern crusade

For what’s good and pure

They attack our morals

And corrupt the weak

As we sit and watch

Since we do nothing

We let them go

It’s time for something old

 

What say you? The pastor asks

We need to beat them down

And if it fails

So goes our system

 They give us “hope”

And then take our youth

If you ask, why we fight?

Then shame on you

Because God is watching

And he does not approve

The public needs faith

In something strong

And their agendas weak!

Though it kills all we’ve done

Who needs love, when we have guns?

They are fools, and we have God

Which of us has won?

 

Above all else, love each other, Jesus says

You are not to judge

And if God is love

Then what are you?

Speaking of hatred and all things untrue

Show compassion, as I’ve shown you

And if you say, they are wrong!

Then you don’t know what is truth, because,

 So are you

He who is without sin

Cast the first stone

And until that day

I will sit and watch

As all of you

Treat all of them

Like lepers in the temple

Asking for a loaf of bread

Sit. Drink. Watch.

The old man on the bench

Takes a swig from his flask

He watches, as the world passes him by

And ever since the man was young

That is all he’s done

Sit

Drink

Watch

The little boy, on his couch

Takes a drink from his cup

He laughs, as he watches his cartoons

And until the day he dies

That is all he will ever do

Sit

Drink

Watch

The loyal wife, in her bath

Takes a drink of her wine

She blinks, as she watches the candle flicker

And ever since the beginning

That is all she’s done

Sit

Drink

Watch

The American dad, at his desk

Takes a drink of his water

He sighs, as he watches the numbers drop

And until the end

That’s all he will ever do

Sit

Drink

Watch

The famous star, who know body believed

Takes a bow to his audiences

He smiles, as he listens to the cheers

And ever since, that dream he had

There is something he will never do

Sit

Drink

Watch