Wednesday, December 31, 2008

Cheers. It's a New Year.

So it is new years and I am sitting in my room alone. I am okay with this. I haven’t spent much time by myself lately. This might not be the best night to be alone, but it is what it is, I can’t complain. I am comfortable. Conor Oberst is serenading me as I write this (I am listening to I’m Wide Awake on Vinyl (Because I am cool like that)). So actually, I am kind of glad to be by myself right now. I just would like to say to everyone that I know and that I have met over the past year that I love you guys, and that I am glad we met. You all mean something to me. It may vary in degrees of importance, but all of you mean something to me. And I have learned something from all of you. The only person I will single out is Brian, because Brian is leaving us all for Seattle.

Brian, you have been a close friend since Denver, when I first showed you the Bright Eyes song, “At the Bottom of Everything” and you liked it as much as I did. We have shared some great times, and we have shared low times, but we have always stayed close. I’m gunna miss you man, and all the late nights, and the hill nights, and the writing, and the talking, and the cigarettes, and the record shopping, and the movies, and clothes shopping, and the late night drives, and the downtown trips, and the fighting about what is AIR, and all the shit that came with being with your friend. I will miss all of it. I know your coming back, but right now, it does not feel like it. That makes me sad. It’s like I want to get that procedure that Jim Carey got in Eternal Sunshine. But I guess I’m just being emo. Anyways, here’s to you man. Cheers. Happy New Years. I hope you find what you are looking for in Seattle, and I hope you come back and tell me what you find. As for me, I will sit here and wait for that day, when you come back, and you realize that all you needed was right here in SD. We’ll all miss you man. Have a good trip, and don’t turn into Sergio. Haha.

            

Wednesday, December 17, 2008

The Dragon and the Knight

An old man was sitting on a bench, eating a slightly warm tuna sandwich. The bench was in the middle of a playground, in the middle of a park, in the middle of a city. It was about noon, and the sun was at its hottest. Beads of sweat rolled down the old man’s nose and dropped onto the slightly warm, slightly soggy sandwich. The man didn’t mind the sweat rolling off his face, and didn’t mind that the sandwich was a little past edible. He just sat there and ate, watching the children play in the sand, at the playground.

The old man sat alone everyday, at this same exact bench, at this same exact time, watching the children play at the playground, eating his past-expiration date sandwich. No one ever bothered to talk to the old man. Everyone just walked past him, day in, day out. They never say anything, not even a hello. Most people thought he was just a creepy old man, watching the children play. The kids would just stare at him. The old man was in WW2, where he saved his squad from a grenade explosion. The blast left his faced burned and scared. He hardly looked like a human anymore. Most of the kids stared at his disfigured face. The doctor said that among other things, his tear ducts would never be able to operate that same. So when the old man cries alone on that bench every single day, nobody notices.

When the old man came home from the war (back then he was a young man), his kids could not stand the sight of him. They cried, and told him that he looked like the monster that was underneath their beds. The wife could never make love to him after the war. She told him that his face was too disgusting to be able to be turned on by him anymore. He cried, without tears, in total silence. He was a good husband and a good father, and the family started to get use to his horribly disfigured face, but still the wife good not make love, and the kids would not let him read bedtime stories to them. He was ashamed. He did not feel like a human anymore. He was an outsider looking in.

One day, after a long day of work, he comes home to an empty house. No one was there. There was a note on the kitchen table, that read, “I’m sorry. I took the kids, and went to my mother’s. This is all just too much for me and the kids. I loved you, and the kids love you.”  It was the “I loved you” part that made him the angriest. She loved him? As in she doesn’t anymore? He didn’t understand. Just because he was disfigured, they just walked out of his life?

 The next day he missed work, and went to the playground where he use to take his kids to play, hoping that he might see them there. He never did. He came everyday, looking for them, but they never did show up. Even after he signed the divorce papers, he still went to that park everyday. They never were there. It has been 30 years since that first day, and he still comes and sits at the bench to wait for his kids. By now they are adults, with children of their own. He hopes maybe he will see them at this park, playing with their kids. Maybe they will finally reunite.

He continues to eat his soggy sandwich. A young boy sits next to him on the bench, staring at the old man’s disfigured face. The old man looks down at the kid.

“Didn’t you parents tell you it’s not polite to stare at someone?” The old man growled at the boy.

“Yes sir, but I can’t help it. What happened to you face?” the little boy said with the curiosity that children have.

“Didn’t your parents tell you that you shouldn’t talk to strangers? I could just snatch you up, and take you to my car. You ever think of that kid? You can’t trust anyone. Especially an old disfigured man you have met in a park. Now go run a long to your parents.”

The boy looked deep into the old man’s eyes, “You know mister, you have really pretty blue eyes. Blue is my favorite color.”

“What?”

The boy raises his voice and yells, “Blue is my favorite color.”

“Boy, I am not deaf. What did you say before that?”

“I said you have really pretty eyes.”

The old man looks at the boy, confused, “Boy, don’t you find me scary? Doesn’t my face disgust you?”

“Why no sir, not at all. I think your face is interesting. How did it get like that?”

“World War 2. I through a grenade out of my fox hole, just a little too late.”

“World War 2!!! Oh cool. Did you get any medals?”

“Yeah. I got a Purple Heart.”

“Purple Heart? What’s that?”

“It’s a medal you get when you get hurt in combat.”

“I’ve never known anyone who has been to war before. Did you kill people?”

“Yes. I have. I’m not sure I want to get into that with a little kid. Where are your parents anyways?”

The kid points to the couple on the bench on the other side of the playground, “Over there.” Neither of them are paying much attention, “Sir, why are you here alone?”

“I’m waiting for someone.”

“Who?”

The man looks at the boy kind of angry, but decides to tell him anyways, “ I am waiting for my kids. Their mother left with them, away from me, 30 years ago.”

“Wow. That’s a long time mister. Why did they leave?”

The man looks down at his feet, and begins to cry, without any tears. Just a sad and somber, “Because, when I came back from the war, I looked like this.”

The boy looks at the many astonished, “That’s stupid! You are the coolest person I have ever met mister. You have cool blue eyes, you were in a war, and you have a medal!”

“Sometimes people can’t look beyond the monster that they see.”

“But you’re not a monster.”

“Yeah kid, but I look like one.”

The little boy thinks long and hard about what the man said. Sometimes people can’t see past the monster. The boy scooted closer to the old man, and put his arm around him, “Mister, my parents read me a story. A knight was going to slay a horrible dragon, and save the town from him. When the knight got to the cave, he saw the dragon crying. The knight asked the dragon, ‘Why are you crying?’ and the dragon said, ‘No one likes me because I am a dragon, this is why I burn and eat the townspeople’, and the knight said to the dragon, ‘I will be your friend, I don’t care about what you look like, just don’t eat the towns people, and they will become you friends too.’ Don’t you see mister? They may have left you because you look like a monster, but you have been alone for 30 years, because you don’t let that go.”

The man started to cry again, still without tears, but not sad and somber. More like a relived cry.

Then the boy asked, “Will you be my friend?”

The man shook his head yes, and gave the boy a hug. The old man smiled and finished his tuna sandwich. He thought to himself that the boy looked oddly familiar. He noticed that the boy reminded him of someone he once knew, but couldn’t put his finger on it. The boy went to play with his father in the sand. The old man watched him play, trying to remember who the boy reminded him of, but could never quite figure it out. He finished his sandwich, and walked back to his apartment, knowing that tomorrow will be a great day. 

Saturday, May 24, 2008

No Evidence of Jesus

A few days ago I was told that there is no evidence of Jesus Christ ever existing. You know the one. The guy who died on the cross. The dude who fed thousands with a couple loaves of bread and some fish. The man who everyone thought was crazy except twelve men. Yeah that Jesus Christ. I could not believe what I had heard. Jesus was not real? Was not flesh and blood? I know plenty of atheists who know that Jesus was a real person, but this was the first time I have ever heard the theory that he did not exist.
But I’m not writing this to prove her wrong. No, this reflection has nothing to do with her thoughts on Jesus as a man. Her theory just simple provoked a little thought into my mind. A little thought on an issue that I have not really spent time on thinking about in recent years. That issue would be my religion. I hate saying religion, it makes me feel so narrow minded, so I’ll use a different word. My belief. I do not understand the concept of making people feel like idiots for what they believe.
You’re a Christian? You’re a dumbass.
I try really hard not to judge other people. Ok, I don’t try that hard, but I do try harder than most Christians. What is ironic is that I was told never to judge as a Christian. If I were to record a conversation that me and my fellow “believers” have, and play it back, what would I hear? I would hear a conversation that would be full of judgments. Did God put us on this earth to judge? Christians are not suppose to judge. I am a Christian, and I am here to tell you that if somebody is judging you, they are probably a Christian.
We think that because we know Jesus’ teachings, and listen to them, we have more of a right to tell people they are wrong. But Jesus’ teachings told us something different. We judge. We decide. You’re wrong. We’re right.
You’re a homosexual? Heathen!
You have had sex? Whore!
You drink and party? God has given up on you!
You all shall burn in hell for what you have done!
Is this really what we should think? Is this what Jesus taught? Last time I checked, Jesus hung out with the whores and the drunks. We have turned into what Jesus hated.
We are the Pharacies.
We are the ones that deserve hell.
This girl told me there is no evidence of Jesus. And I know, I know, she meant the physical existence of Jesus, but Jesus should be alive and well today. Christians should be the new Jesus. Spreading the idea of hope and joy. Instead, we sit here and judge you for your sins. We may have sin, but we don’t have sin like those people. They roll around in their filth and their disgusting habits. God has left them a long time ago.
Jesus would be ashamed of us. Instead of shining our light towards people who need it, we keep it to ourselves, and call them sinners because they don’t have it. Shameful.

Monday, May 19, 2008

Narrow Stairs

It has been 3 years since Death Cab for Cutie came out with their first major label album, Plans. It has been 3 long years since we have heard a new song by the band that made indie mainstream. But in March the wait was finally over when they cam out with their new single. I was stoked when I first heard about “I Will Possess Your Heart.” I was in my friend’s car when he asked me if I wanted to here the new Death Cab song. Of course I wanted to hear it. He turned on his iPod, and he turns the volume a little higher as we waited. We listened through almost five minutes of interlude. I was rather impatient as I waited to here what Ben Gibbard had to say in this song. Finally, after the extremely long instrumental intro, he sings. After about five lines, I was confused. This wasn’t the Ben Gibbard who sang about love or about heartbreak. No, Mr. Gibbard orchestrated a narrative of a stalker. A stalker longing for his target. Needless to say, it wasn’t what I was expecting, and I came to the realization that this was a new Death Cab. A new, darker sound. And I wasn’t sure if I liked it.
Then came May 13, and their new album came out. I still wasn’t sure about “I Will Possess Your Heart”, but I still got it anyways. I popped in the CD and started my decent on Narrow Stairs.
I was excited to see what lessons Mr. Gibbard wanted me to learn now. The first song, “Bixby Canyon Bridge”, started and seemed to have the same eerie feel as “I Will Possess Your Heart” had. Gibbard sings about a lover who has lost her soul, as if she has died along with it. This confirmed my suspicion that Death Cab has changed. A darker, some what creepy, Death Cab. The guitar repeats the same distorted chord as Ben repeats the words “a dream”. It was an odd side to Death Cab, but it seemed to leave me interested. This is when their first single comes in. As I listen I want to skip the long five minute intro, but decided to let it play through as I thought about an essay that Ben Gibbard wrote in Paste Magazine.
In the article, he explains the long intro. Stating that the intro is a stalker, like the one he is singing about in the song, and the longer it goes on, the more you want it to go away, but it won’t. Oddly enough, I wanted the intro to go away, and in that way, it was serving its purpose.
After “I Will Possess Your Heart” leaves me feeling dirty and a little creeped out, the band kicks into an upbeat poppy melody, bringing a tap, tap, tap to my feet. Though, “No Sunlight” is musically joyful, the lyrics seem to suggest otherwise. Gibbard sings about his optimism of life as a boy dwindle away as life brings him new experiences. This leads into, “Cath…” a story about a girl who is getting married, but is not ready for it, and is not sure if it is what she wants. So far this is the most “Death Cab sounding” song on the album. “Talking Bird”, is lyrically my favorite song on the album. Gibbard sings about his bird, and as it sits in its cage, it does not realize that it can leave if it wants, because the windows are open. It seems that Gibbard is singing about a relationship with a girl, and if she stays, his love will remain as well. Next is “You Can Do Better than Me”, a self-loathing song that sounds, at least musically, a lot like a Beach Boy song. After this short song, my favorite song of the entire album comes in with its simple drumbeat. “Grapevine Fires” is a narrative of a major fire, and the characters first hand account. I am more connected to this song, because living in San Diego; it reminds me of some dark times. A Beautifully poetic story that gives me goose bumps every time I listen to it. Four more songs to go and I already feel connected to this album. Nothing can top Grapevine Fires, but “Your New Twin Size Bed” comes close. Another narrative of broken heartedness, and another song that sounds like old Death Cab. Gibbard sings about the character getting a new, smaller, bed as the other bed was too big for one person to sleep in. “Long Division” is yet another upbeat song, but with more abstract lyrics. Gibbard talks in a metaphor of math, making this one of Death Cab’s most abstract songs, lyrically, in their entire career. Following Long Division comes my least favorite song of the album, “Pity and Fear”. Another oddly creepy song for Mr. Gibbard. Singing about a man who sleeps with random women, with no commitment, but does not envy his own lifestyle, and wishes he could change. It has been a long journey on these Narrow Stairs, and “The Ice Is Getting Thinner” is the perfect ending to the album, as Gibbard sings about his relationship in a metaphor of seasons. I can’t really explain this one; it is just something you have to listen to. Calm guitar and bass leads the album out as Gibbard sings, “The ice was getting thinner/under me and you”.
Narrow Stairs is a world away from Plans. Darker and less sympathetic characters, but it left me with a better taste in my mouth. With Plans it took me a while to start really liking it, but after first listen, I couldn’t help but fall in love with Narrow Stairs, and embracing the new, dark, creepy side of Ben Gibbard and Death Cab for Cutie.

Wednesday, May 14, 2008

The First of Many

This is the first blog I have ever made. There isn't much I have to say at this time. Mainly this blog is to publish my work. This is the first of many posts, and more should be coming soon. But I don't know why I am writing this now, because probably no body will read this post, but it's my blog, and i can write if I want to. Stay tune for more posts.