I’m not feeling very creative today. Not to say that I’m not happy. Happiness and creativity sort of collide, rather than mesh into one. Well, in my mind anyway. I can’t create a happy piece of anything. It just sort of comes out all jumbled and wordy, and makes my teeth feel like I ate too many sweets that day. Today has been a good enough day, but maybe that is the problem. Maybe the problem is I’m just not creative. I’ve never thought of that before. I’ve always been lead to believe that everyone has the gift to create something, anything. I might just be wrong about that. I look at people, read their stories, listen to their music, watch their movies, and think to myself, “Why can’t my brain think of those things.” Every time an idea pops into my head the first thing I think is that it’s a pretty damn good idea. Then I develop it, and that’s when things just go to shit. My ideas are cliché and it all seems like it has been done before, but I keep on writing. And then it goes from the stage of me thinking my stuff is shit, to then thinking my stuff is pretentious, and self-indulgent. To me, my published work (and by published work I mean on my blog) is just letting everyone know how amazing I am as a writer, which I am not. Maybe posting this is self-indulgent. I don’t know, I just feel I should put this up. Maybe I shouldn’t, but fuck it, this is my blog. I’m not creating anything new here, but I am beginning to realize that creation is not my strong suite, among other things. I’ll find my sweet spot eventually I guess. I just thought my friends should know what goes through my head on a day-to-day basis. Well, here it is. Mind the shit.
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2 comments:
here's the thing about writing, though: sometimes there's just no fucking inspiration. at times i'm sitting at an empty page and i try to scrounge through my meaningless activities of the day, it's not odd when that the most interesting thing that happened was spilling something all over myself. and what amazing-ness can really come from that?
you can still be an awesome writer and journalist without feeling that creative buzz every day when you wake up. and if there's anything wrong with putting writings up on a blog, then i'm a much bigger douchebag then you'll ever be, (and i'm pretty sure i'm not a douchebag) so don't even worry about it ;)!
damn boy.. .. i'm the most creative when i'm depressed as sh!t. just thought you should know that. creativity and happiness have nothing to do with each other, at least for me. creativity will come to you when you aren't searching for it. miss ya, bleek.
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